What do you think of when you think of fireworks? Beautiful lights and colors? Frightening memories and fear? For many of us, New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July conjure up things we’d rather not remember.
This is the conundrum of the holidays…what is designed to be a fun and celebratory and social event becomes a source of pain and fear and anxiety. For me, these two days of the year arrive about a week ahead of their calendar date. I begin to stress over the noise – and what that noise has done to me in past years (and will it do it again this year?). I become short-tempered and angry at the slightest annoyance. Those around me begin to find my company less than enjoyable.
The problem is, however, that those who love and care for me are sometimes poorly equipped to help me through his time. I am sitting at this moment at my in-laws doing a late Christmas. We are playing charades and bouncing around, yelling and laughing and cheering…except for me. I am in the corner, disengaged and blogging.
The anticipation of fireworks weighs heavily…two more days. It is preventing my enjoyment of this rare family time, but, frankly, I’d rather be at home in my noise cancelling headphones binging on Enya and John Denver.
This is not a blog to share some great healing moment – it is me telling my story to the crowd that better understands. I will get through this unscathed as I have in the past. This fear will not harm me.
It is a real pain in my butt, though. So, when you are feeling this same stress, please know that you are not alone. You are not unique in your stresses. You are part of our club.